The real reason to get to know your photographer

One of my best friends just gave birth to identical twins. Like, genetically identical. Before they were born she read blogs about the different ways parents of twins deal with telling the babies apart. Apparently this is a legitimate concern! But true to the nature of parenthood, once the mini-muffins arrived all her concerns were alleviated (well, not ALL of them… I mean she does have two newborn babies to take care of). “I feel like I can already see the difference in their personalities,” she sighed lovingly...

Is the lack of sleep making her delusional? Is it the narcotic love-drug making her hallucinate!? I don’t think so. Because, when you get to know someone, you see their uniqueness. Even if they share the same looks and mannerisms as someone else, when you know them-- you See Them. You just do.

No big surprise, it’s the same for weddings.

Getting ready is a family affair...

...babies, best friends, sisters...

...and who can forget our furry friends!

I have photographed more than 180 weddings. More than once I’ve been asked, “Don’t you get bored? All weddings are the same.” Well now! The asker of this question soon finds out I’m not as cynical as all that (LOL have you even met me??)!

But I have a proven technique to remedy this exact situation: I get to know people. 

When you know someone, you see their uniqueness and it's the same for weddings

As the person documenting your wedding my goal is to know you, so when I see your wedding I see your specialness (yes, the way your mom sees you).

I have witnessed age-old cultural traditions again and again. I’ve watched wedding trends in décor, cakes, dresses and music come and go. I’ve listened to countless readings, vows, speeches and roasts. And I still get teary-eyed. I won’t lie – I can tell who’s speaking from the heart versus who googled “Best Man Speech” but that’s ok. Not everyone is born to be a toast-master. 

Some things are only funny...

to the one who knows you best.

Every wedding is different because couples and families are different, once you get to know them. And all wedding photographers are different too.

"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.” – Henry David Thoreau

Unbeknownst to most of us, all we can see is who we are. I photograph how I see you. The next photographer has different experiences, different values, a different worldview. They can only capture how they see you.

When you know a person, you see them for who they are. My goal is to build relationships with my clients so I can see the unique beauty of their wedding, no matter what.

Mel & Roy chartered a streetcar to transport their closest friends across Toronto in style!

Cocktail hour scavenger hunt on a farm in Price Edward County...

...or cocktails at Hotel Ocho in downtown Toronto.

Ashley wore the wedding dress of her mother & grandmother before her... but had it altered into a summer party dress for her outdoor wedding at the Aberfoyle Mill.

David & Saraya's celebrations included Armenian, Chinese & Nordic traditions, and a hot pair of Louboutins!

Guests always find ways to amuse themselves...

...including the groom's parents requesting a "paddle" pic during ping-pong hour at SPiN.

Getting to know your photographer isn't about whether they like cats or dogs (cats), or long walks on the beach. Building a relationship can mean the difference between having authentic documentation of your wedding or ending up with cookie-cutter images just like everyone else's. So let's get to know each other over the next couple years. Let's fall in love. 

I met Vanessa & Mark shooting the wedding of their friends. When they contacted me I instantly remembered Vanessa's happy face from Kate & Ben's wedding video testimonial, and was super excited to get started. Mark & Vanessa are part of a great group of loving friends and it was really special to document their celebration. 

They planned a gorgeous wedding in Oakville, with their ceremony at the picturesque St. Andrew Church and an early summer reception at the Oakville Golf Club.

It was a windy day with mixes of sun and cloud. After their first look and a few photos with the wedding party, we headed to downtown Oakville... Just in time: The moment everyone entered the church the skies opened up and poured! And just as conveniently, as the ceremony finished up, so did the rain. 

The ceremony was beautiful, and both bride and groom welled up with emotion coming down the aisle, exchanging vows, enjoying the church hymns, and finally sharing their first kiss as husband and wife. 

Family and friends gathered in front of the church laughing and hugging with exclamations of congratulations for the happy couple. We walked down to Oakville's waterfront to where Vanessa & Mark had some time to themselves to soak it all in... They were married! The light and the sky after the storm had transformed the landscape into a lush green paradise, and the lake grew calm. The bride and groom walked hand in hand, looking at one another and bursting into laughter. 

If you've seen Vanessa & Mark's autumn inspired engagement photos, you already know they love Lake Ontario, only this day it was serene shades of blue - the calm after the storm. 

Arriving back for their Oakville Golf Club wedding, Vanessa & Mark were greeted by celebratory guests, and live bluegrass music. As the days grew longer the evening stretched out into night, with speeches, laughter, music, and stories. 

It was a happy, beautiful day. Congratulations, Mark & Vanessa. xo

Click here to see Vanessa & Mark's Beaches Neighbourhood engagement photos!

Check out these similar weddings...
Grace & Ervin's Wedding at the Bayview Golf & Country Club
Gacia & Alex's Wedding at Eagles Next Golf Club

Photographers: Kate O’Connor and Rudo Vacula

Thank you to the creative team!
Cake: Nancy Bridges
Catering: Oakville Golf Club
Ceremony Location: St. Andrew Roman Catholic Church, Oakville
DJ/Music: Barrel Boys
Flowers: Flower Centre
Hair & Make Up: Talio Salon
Men's Attire: Michael Kors
Officiant: Monsignor Edward D. Sheridan
Reception Venue: Oakville Golf Club

Lelania & Mike got married at the Kortright Centre for Conservation, and had a drop-dead Gorgeous reception at Berkeley Church! Here are their happy words:

"Kate was amazing for both our engagement session and our wedding day, we enjoyed the experience from start to finish. She was always very warm, professional and accommodating, most importantly we could really tell how much love she has for her job and her clients. Something we really appreciated was how non invasive Kate and her team were while capturing intimate and candids moments. We were made to feel extremely comfortable, and the photo sessions felt super relaxed. We would highly recommend Kate as a photographer. Great experience, great photos and great team all around!"

– Lelania & Mike

Click here to read more reviews!
Here for Alison & Allia's Berkeley Church Wedding!
And here for Lelania & Mike's Lake Huron cottage country engagement photos!

Cake: Tre Mari Bakery
Caterer: Berkeley Events
Ceremony: Kortright Centre for Conservation
DJ: Maximum Music
Dress: Ferre Sposa
Hair: Melissa Tran
Invitations: Hope Little
Flowers: Benny & ViV
Jewelry Design: Kate Spade & Ben Amun
Makeup: Eryn Shannon
Reception Venue: Berkeley Church
Shoes: Alexander Wang
Transportation: Star Night Limousines
Videography: Toronto Wedding Studios

Jeff & Kerri had a super romantic, book-themed wedding at the Toronto Reference Library.

Their Jewish ceremony was held right in the stunning main foyer, with dinner and dancing to follow in the Bram and Bluma Appel Salon. In between we took the opportunity to roam among the stacks, and I'd be lying if I didn't tell you these two stole a few newly-wedded kisses too.

Kerri had a beautiful tulip bouquet tied with her grandmother's locket. Once dressed, she did a first look with her dad who, naturally, got a bit emotional on his daughter's wedding day.

Then Jeff came in for another bridal reveal, and after a lot of happy exclamations from each of them, the bride and groom exchanged gifts. I loved this private moment of Jeff putting on Kerri's necklace and sneaking a little kiss on her shoulder while "no one" was looking.

If you've seen Kerri & Jeff's Toronto Island engagement photos, you might have guessed these two have an ongoing love affair with the City of Toronto! Their wedding guests assembled in the incredible atrium of the Toronto Reference Library. As the largest public reference library in Canada, this space is outstanding... and the perfect location for a pair of book-lovers to get married. Jeff & Kerri had a wedding ceremony with Jewish elements, standing under a lace Chuppah and each smashing a glass for the Mazeltov moment at the end.

To start with, however, Kerri and her father descended to the foyer via the glass elevator, for everyone to see. They kept their backs turned, and I could sense the excitement and nerves as they sailed down from above, and made their way towards the alter. Jeff was smiling ear-to-ear (pretty much all day, but even more at this moment).

As Kerri rounded the top of the aisle her face just beamed with happiness at the prospect of marrying Jeff, like, right now! As if that wasn't enough, their ring bearer was visibly choked up. How adorable is this little guy?!

One of my favourite moments in this wonderful day, was a reading during the ceremony – an adaptation of the poem, Date A Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico. Being a bit of a book nerd myself (understatement alert!), this was basically the most romantic thing I've ever heard. Jeff & Kerri replaced the word "date" with the word "marry"... Tears flowed. 

I'm posting the full text of the poem below, although not all of it was said at the wedding. Replace the word "date" with "marry" and have a good happy-cry on me. 

“Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the cream is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by God, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”

— Rosemarie Urquico

Click here to see Kerri & Jeff's engagement photos on Toronto Island! 

Click here to check out similar weddings:
Rosemary & Alastair Summer Camp Wedding at Camp Manitou
Ken & Ben's Enoch Turner Schoolhouse Wedding
Andrea & Josh's Hart House Wedding at U of T

Photographers: Kate O’Connor and Lelania Little

Thank you to the creative team!
Audio/Visual: bb Blanc
Catering: L-eat Catering
Ceremony Location: Toronto Reference Library
Décor: Kerri Graham
DJ/Music: Maren - Dialed-In DJs
Event Planner: Elena Knysh - Your Effortless Event
Flowers: Cool, Green & Shady
Hair & Make Up: All Dolled Up Makeup & Hair
Jewelry Design: Tamara Kronis - Studio 1098
Officiant: Martin Frith - Ceremonies With Choice
Reception Venue: Bram and Bluma Appel Salon, Toronto Reference Library
 

My boyfriend used to wish he had one of those portable flashing lights for the top of the car, for two situations: when I had my period, and when I was hungry. Though there are limited options for wedding day menstruation (hmm, definitely a potential article there), when it comes to avoiding the "hangry" wedding day, your options are many! 

This article contains two simple tips, and one wedding day to-do list of what to pack to stay fresh all day: 

Click here to see how Rosemary kept everyone well-fed at her Camp Manitou Wedding!

Even for the chillest couples, the wedding is a big day. When was the last time you invited all your people to come and look and talk to you all at once? It's wedding-day-hangry just waiting to happen! Besides the emotional/spiritual/life milestone taking place, you’ve got a lot to think about and that takes energy. 

Drink water to keep your energy up!  

Many brides are afraid they’ll have to pee and avoid drinking water on the wedding day. Don’t do that! 

Staying hydrated will help you keep your energy up. I know, from the experience of shooting weddings, water gives you a boost and keeps your endurance up so you can smile allllllllllll day long (and still party into the night). 

Also, it’ll make you smell better: you might get nervous and sweat a lot, but if you stay hydrated your body and your breath will thank you! (A quick googling of dehydration and body odour/bad breath can tell you why.)   

Have snacks on hand! 

Nothing brings on irritability, anxiety, and exhaustion like low blood sugar. Don’t leave it to chance when it comes to staying in a good mood on your wedding day!

Keep snacks on hand for yourself and houseguests, i.e. bridesmaids getting ready at your place. Besides brunch, make sure there are snacks you can force yourself to eat if you get too nervous or stressed out for a full meal.  

Things to consider / pack: 

• Straws for sipping, to protect lipstick

• Lipstick touch-up colour from makeup artist, for after she’s left.

• Smoothie or liquid meal that you can sip (alternate with water if you get a dry mouth)

• Small bites of fruit & some sort of bib – no blackberry juice on the wedding dress!

• Granola bars (soft as opposed to hard and crumbly)

• Halloween-sized chocolate bars or small cookies in a zip-lock

• Yoghurt drinks (get that probiotic in while you're at it ;))

• Juice boxes

• Wet wipes for hands

• Someone you trust, who’s as obsessive as you are, to check that there’s no food in your teeth. None of this “you’re fine you’re fine” when they haven’t even looked!

Basically, you need food and drink that takes minimum effort to open, and can be carried with you. And possibly a case of water bottles for your bridal party/family, if you are traveling together in a limo or having a big photo session somewhere away from immediate access to water… Especially in the summer, guys!!! Please! I know plastic water bottles are terrible for the environment, but this is one of those times you might forget your S’well.  

Click here to see how Sahrah & Aaron fed their wedding party, mid-photo session!

You got this!!

Between morning coffee with your BFFs, and a champagne toast (or three) you need to keep your wits about you. You don’t want to get drunk or shaky, right before you say “I do”. Take care your body with water and snacks, and no portable flashing lights will be needed! 

Look beautiful, no food in teeth, laughing head off... Check!