#39daysofselfcare Day 4: Asking for (and Accepting) Help



Saying YES to help…

In particular, saying yes when an auntie at today’s wedding offered - nay, INSISTED - that she pack us each a very full take out box of food for our drive. We were rushing around and I had half-assedly snapped up a few goodies onto a plate, covered with a napkin...

“That’s nothing. And it’s going to spill,” she scoffed, in true Auntie fashion. So depicted here are the remains. I ate about 5 spanakopitas and god-knows how many cookies.

Why is this self-care??

Actually a lot of brides struggle with saying yes to help. Taking a frigging minute for themselves, in life, let alone the wedding day. Sometimes not receiving help is a form of grasping onto control. Other times it’s a lifelong, learned habit of putting yourself last. After everyone else is taken care of, THEN you eat. Then you rest. Then you play. But often Then never comes.

What comes in its place is exhaustion, resentment, victimhood, and burnout.

I don’t blame any person, woman, or bride, for this behaviour. I have a lifetime of practice myself — it’s what we’re taught!

But I DO see the value in ending this. That’s why I’m doing 39 days.

And sometimes the most simple practices are the most profound. I let myself eat. I drank enough water. I remembered to pee... things that, during a BUSY 12 hour wedding day, are easy to forget, postpone, or avoid altogether.

My body thanks me. My work is more beautiful and profound. My jokes (I happen to think) are more hilarious. And somewhere deep in my system, I have demonstrated I am loved, by me. Loved and respected enough to be taken care of on the most basic level.

If you’re getting married and want to make your Snack Plan, I have a blog post on keeping H’Anger at Bay on the Wedding Day!

But in the meantime, how have you said YES to receiving, lately? Don’t forget to ask for and accept a little help.